Unwanted
by But He Hit Me First
Summary: Just a moment in time with spike. Set Pre'once more with feeling' season 6. Warnings One time F word, some british slang, spike slightly drunk, and it's a song fic.


AN - This is my first attepmt into the buffy fandom. It is also my first try at a song fic. The song is by Avril Lavigne (don't hit me!) and it's called unwanted, from her cd 'Let go'. I thought thesong fit very well for pre-'once more with feeling' spike. Please tell me what you think.

**Unwanted **

Spike was sitting on a grave, having a smoke and a beer. Not normal for him but hell he was pissed off and he wanted to try to get pissed. Being that it was one night that he was not looking for quiet time he had brought a radio he had nicked a few days ago. He had turned it on, not really listening to the songs or what the words were, just to have some back round noise. Staring up at the stars he tried to remember what the sun looked like, what it felt like on his skin. But all he could remember was the fact that Buffy's hair was a golden hue, something to share with the sun. Thinking of her, the way that she loved him and yet despised him. He knew this, he wasn't stupid, just in love. And he knew that even though he was in love with her he was and always would be in hate with her. How could he not, how could he not. His thoughts stilled as a somewhat new song came on. He looked to the sky silently asking "the powers that be" why they always had to fuck with him. With a sigh he resolved him self to listen to the song. Although before the words started pouring the night air was filled with "bloody hell's" and "this damn century".

All that I did was walk over  
Start off by shaking your hands  
That's how it went  
I had a smile on my face and I sat up straight  
Oh, yeah, yeah  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to show you

He remembered coming to Sunnydale, meeting everyone, meeting Buffy and knowing that no matter what he would always try to show off for her, to impress her. Because in his mind, even if not for her love, but even just to be her enemy, he was competing against Angel.

You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
You don't want me there  
You just shut me out  
You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
If you had your way  
You'd just shut me up  
Make me go away

He remembered when they once took him seriously as the big bad. Then how quickly he was nothing but an annoying little bug on the picnic blanket when there were vultures flying above. How he meant nothing, how he was psycho for loving Dru.

No, I just don't understand why  
you won't talk to me  
It's hurts that I'm so unwanted for nothing  
Don't talk words against me  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to show you

The whole Buffy bot thing, it was a call for help! He started to fall for her and this was the only thing he could do to be with her, or that's what he thought.

You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
You don't want me there  
You just shut me out  
You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
If you had your way  
You'd just shut me up  
Make me go away  
Make me go away

Another swig of beer. Sometimes he just wished he would die. What was the point, living this dead-life without her? Maybe at least in Hell he could learn as Angel did, become more like Angel.

I tried to belong  
It didn't seem wrong  
My head aches  
Its been so long  
I'll write this song  
If that's what it takes

He remembered when the Scooby's felt ok around him. How Dawn was his sidekick, lil' sis, and revenge. How Xander finally had grown, at least a little. How if something was wrong with him Willow could tell, and would attempt to comfort him. How Giles, while still a little suspicious of Spike knew that he would be a help for the team. Still though, he never belonged, and he never would. How could he,he would out live them all and he was older than the old guy. And unlike the rest, he had been bad from the very beginning.

You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
You don't want me there  
You just shut me out  
You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
If you had your way  
You'd just shut me up  
Make me go away

You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
You don't want me there  
You just shut me out  
You don't know me  
Don't ignore me  
If you had your way  
You'd just shut me up  
Make me go away

"Spike?" One Buffy Summers called out to him. Her hair was pulled back tight and wearing her leather jacket. That made him smile, either that or the, he looked around, five cases of beer. She seemed to have said something to him, no matter.

"Off for a lil' slaying tonight?"

She looked at him strange, her head was tilted as if she was trying to figure out what was wrong with him, she must have heard him singing.

"Mind if I join you?" Spike made his voice sound like velvet, or he tried, he had no clue if he was doing it right in his state.

Buffy seemed to have snapped out of her own little world and shook her head.

"Sure, come on" she said as she tilted her head back wards to where she had come from.

Spike got up and followed her, coming to walk beside her. And as they walked into the moonlight and bantered back and forth the radio kept on playing.

Make me go away  
Make me go away


End file.
